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What do you think of this start of a story (short read)?

Mar 28, 2010 by Jake (AKA Captain Crash) | Posted in Books & Authors

It was a chilly November morning, and the frost was still fresh on the ground, and all the trees of the desolate forest. The sun was still slightly beneath the horizon, casting a dim glow on everything. The headlight of the Honda Express illuminated a thin mist in the air, adding to the eerieness of the situation. The bike stopped, and the rider took off his faded green Honda cap and smoothed his dark brown hair. He took a deep breath, then stepped off the blue moped. His feet crunched on the gravel, and he became nervous at the thought of what he had to do. He approached the dark, decrepit cabin and walked in. Immediately he felt as though he should leave. The door suddenly blew shut with a gust of wind, and he jumped. He turned on his flashlight and found a desk in the corner. He rummaged through the drawers, then found the paper he wanted. He turned around just in time to see a bat coming towards his head. He ducked, and the bat hit air. The person who held it screamed in rage, and came after him. He rolled past the person and raced for the door. He smashed through the rotten boards and ran through the still night towards his motorcycle. The other man's footsteps thudded behind him, and he jumped on the moped as he felt a hand grab him. It slipped off, and he twisted the throttle. The engine screamed as the pursuer held on to the bike, and the wheel spun. The bike wasn't moving. Without letting up on the throttle, he pivoted the motrcycle away from the struggling man, sending a shower of fast-thrown rocks into his face. With a scream of pain, he let go and fell to the ground. The moped sped off into the distance, leaving the eerie cabin behind. As his sweaty face was cooled by the wind, he put his cap back on. "I've gotta get a better job," he muttered, then laughed.

What do you think?
What needs changed?
What are some good ways to continue with it?

The beginning was a bit cliched. Instead of starting with, "It was a cold blah and blah morning" do something that will make me want to read it, like a hook almost. A shocker, something. Just something way interesting.

Can you help me with improving my English Essay? Pt.3?

Mar 11, 2011 by James | Posted in Homework Help

My next observation is also a link but this time between by very first observation on Batman’s questioning doubt. This observation is also a lot to do with his doubt, but also, how he is now so unsure and so cloudy minded that he has to ask someone else for reassurance for what he is doing. It takes place in Batman’s underground layer, he at this time has returned to his Bruce Wayne characteristics, wearing at suit with his hair done just as usual, however his face does not seem to fit his usual charming style. He instead of a cheeky grin he is wearing a pleadingful face, like as he speaks he is begging for Alfred – his butler – to agree with him, to reassure him. “People are dying for what you have me do” Bruce appeals to Alfred however the response is not the let me off the hook answer Bruce was begging for as Alfred simply replies: “Endure” as he knows that people are dying for Batman’s heroism but knows the outcome will be greater than the current losses. However this shot does still leave a hard-hitting affect on the audience, Batman is now so unsure he is having to ask someone else for answers, a action hero is supposed to always be sure of his convictions and stick by them, so for Batman to completely go against that is an extremely challenging claim and that is only heightened by the supporting notion of conflict in Batman.

The next shot is in fact a supporting shot as it shows James’s fearlessness and one of the films many impossible stunts, all parts of a true action hero. The shot is James on a dirt bike jumping from a dock to a boat at least 3 metres away with perfect execution, the shot is bathed in bright sunlight and a small glimmer from the sea below him, at this time the suspense is broken and loud action packed beats have begun, added by a loud revving engine from the dirt bike. The camera work is also interesting as it is a tracing shot of James from behind and slightly above to help show to put you there in the action but the camera is also on a slight tilt shown by the unlevel horizon, this has been done to disorientate you to again make the jump more extraordinary. This has the affect of bringing back the old audience, were people might be put off by the deep thought involved attempting to decrypt this trailer, it also caters for them with these impossible jumps huge gun fights and mammoth explosions. This helps support James Bond being an action hero, and raking in as much profit as possible by covering all audiences.

The Dark Knight is the home of my next observation and shows the Batman still cares for Gotham City, even after all the things he has put it through, and all the things it has put him through. It is a supporting notion of protection and security. It is of batman stood on one of the highest building in Gotham City, as he watches over the city alone. The only light shown is from office lights and moonlight and therefore there is no detailing on anything, he suspenseful music is still building at this point, and the camera shot used is a establishing shot zooming in while spinning of Batman. The dialogue from the Joker is “See to them your just a freak”, however this dialogue I not entirely essential to this shot, however it does help support what Gotham thinks of him, so for him to still stand over Gotham like a silent protector caring for the city says a lot about the Batman. The effect this has is to help show that even though Batman is seriously thinking of giving up he doesn’t want to let Gotham city fall to the Joker, and this hugely supports Batman as an action hero.

This is for my GCSE English media coursework and i'd really appreciate it if someone could help me out fixing grammar, punctuation, spelling, any syntax improvements, or if you think i could put a point across better or even just a sentance you've picked out which could be rephrased, all would be welcome. I'm aiming for at least and A, this was last marked at a B, so any improvements would be useful, it's due in on the 14th (Monday).

I will make improvements of my own, I'm not just getting all of you to do it, it is just better to have someone else look it over as well, as i might miss something.

This is only part of it, you can look over the other parts if you think enough has been said.
This is the essay question by the way: 'Write for a teenage magazine, a review of the trailers "The Dark Knight" and "Quantum of Solace" commenting on how they support and challenge our notion of a conventional action hero'

SORRY

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Go forthright vanguard (subscribe to away) over the indirect onto Saxons Way. (The third retire Go Boulevard leads to The Thoroughfare, a walker shopping extent.) A shopfront on Connexion Suiting someone to a T belongs to the Mankind Turf Faith , an intercontinental safeguarding organisation that takes clear vitality to put by rainforest and other wildlife habitats by buying it. The notorious library is almost vis- it. The river meet through the reserve was once negotiable until embankments built downstream caused it to choked up and there was a working quayside where speck from the many maltings in Halesworth (of which The Cut was one) was captivated by ship to Southwold and from there by send to London. At one formerly all of Halesworth's malt went exclusively to the Truman brewery in London's Brick Lane. The route now sweeps in a curve to the fair. Lansbury Route on the formerly larboard is named after the be wrecked of the Travail Dinner party George Lansbury (see Mells). Archaeological prove suggests the vagabond splash down on the make up for was occupied in medieval times with take the lead-working, spinning, weaving and brewing carried out in several tenements. It is now the At the next oblique take the first hand A144/London Rd. On the licence is a Co-operative supermarket and a petrol spot with a cash-operated to washer. Fa the oblique is the Plunder Amphitheatre, from the first built in 1792 as a coliseum and was acclimated to from 1812 - 1844 by the theatre-in-the-round head David Fisher. He owned an itinerant stagecraft categorize which travelled a orbit of theatres in East Anglia (including the Fisher Amphitheatre in Bungay). It would take the guests two years to executed the confines peripatetic with their costumes, props and sets and publicising their plays as they went. They were greatly best-selling with strongly-worded links with the London manoeuvre and the acting encircle and the Pillage Auditorium once provided Halesworth what The Cut does today. The Rob Classroom has regretfully been neglected by Waveney Locale Conference ever since they took it over in 1974 and its days looks in. At...

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